Trauma Bonds In DV Spaces

One of the fundamental issues we have in the domestic violence industry is how victims go back to their abusers. This is NOT on the victims but on how the perpetrators have twisted their minds to suit their needs and wants. This distortion of reality is dangerous for the victims. The perpetrators use their victims as a means of supply. What ever supply that they want from the victim. From money, a roof over their heads, to plain worshipping of themselves. They feel as though they are entitled to what they deem as theirs. Even the victims body and mind. This entitlement extends long after the victim is able to escape. If there are children involved, the courts, child support and even child protection services will be utilized as a means of furthering the abuse.

There are massive problems in Australia and around the world because of this. How to tackle the issue overall, how to stop violence before it starts, how to manage the perpetrators and help the victims who have been caught up in all of this. Even the issues of gender get caught up in this topic. By far majority of the victims of domestic violence are women. That is a statistical fact. Unfortunately male perpetrators do use DARVO tactics in hopes to fool others into thinking that they are victims. These perpetrators do infiltrate male victim spaces and cause issues for actual male victims of female abuse.

So how can we simultaneously help the victims of abuse by removing the mental grip of the perpetrators and making sure the perpetrators are physically gone. Sure the violence orders are available as are ankle monitors, however the effectiveness is greatly impacted by the victim reporting to the police that there is a breach of the orders. If a perpetrator is able to convince the victim that it is ok to talk to them via apps that delete as you talk or cannot screenshot the conversation, they will use such methods. From there they can convince the victim to drop the charges. If that doesn’t work then they can up the anti. These moments can become deadly towards the victims as some perpetrators only see it as a piece of paper and nothing more.

There needs to be more seriousness to domestic violence that involves more than just talking about it. A mandatory minimum of six months imprisonment for perpetrators as soon as they are arrested with mandatory counseling. With mandatory counseling sessions for the victim during those six months to help reduce the effectiveness of the perpetrator’s hold on the victim. This may help give the strength to the victim to resist the perpetrator. It is at this time that further help for victims can happen. From moving to a more safer home, to moving states if need be to where there is more support.

On the flip side, I know that there are perpetrators who use the use of violence orders as part of their means of control. These are the ones who will claim to be victims to obtain the orders and will purposely go near their victim and call the police to report the “breach”. So these types of cases if they were arrested and kept in jail will be a negative impact. However if the investigations continue with the counseling sessions that may provide further information that could mean those victims could potentially be released with the record expunged, but kept on police notations.

At the end of the day if we change how we tackle the on set of how we deal with domestic violence we may save lives. From less deaths to victims being able to remove themselves from the trauma bond that they have found themselves in. We need to work together.